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  • Writer's pictureMaria Vandenburg

30 Days of Authenticity Week One: Working with my Fear and Longing to be Seen

Updated: Aug 15, 2020

We are getting to the close of the first week of 30 Days of Authenticity and I have been blown away by the beautiful souls that have shown up for the course and all of our devotion to ourselves. The depth of everyone's willingness to dive in and understand who they are, who we are, has been something I have been struggling to put into words but have an infinite amount of gratitude for.

At the end of the first week, I ask everyone to slow down and reflect on what the last seven days looked like for them and I wanted to make sure to do the same thing myself.

During the course itself, each day I share what I call an "Authentic Moment of Clarity," and while I don't have the capacity to do that each day, I did want to show up and share what the week has looked like for me.

Reflecting on what I have witnessed within myself this past week has left me with the following

🌓 Day 1: I am Conscious: I asked everyone to take a look at their fears from a year ago to the present day and see if they could see a difference between the two. I was surprised to witness that my fear of being seen really surfaced here and my fear of the unknown. The tools I equated navigating those fears are curiosity and trust with the unknown, and being brave and willing to show up and speak my truth with the fear of being seen

🌓 Day 2: I am Loved: I asked everyone to write a love letter and it was beautiful to be able to witness my own ability to receive love deepen and also get clear on how I am truly learning to love ALL parts of myself which includes the part of me that is insecure or sad/mad/angry/wounded

🌓 Day 3: I am Powerful: We focused intentionally on the power of thoughts and I was struck with the power of being awake, aware and at choice as well as remembering how easily I can shift my focus/gaze/perspective surfaced here from just the simple act of looking up.

🌓 Day 4: I am Compassionate: I asked everyone to do at least one act that day for themselves, in devotion and love to themselves. My self-care act was not AT ALL what I expected, but I actually really loved how this day played out because it reminded me that I am human. It grounded me back into what is. I was pretty upset this week but I was trying to pretend that I wasn't, and on Day 4 I really allowed myself to be with what is and my world shifted as I just loved and held myself as I was.

🌓 Day 5: I am Open: I asked everyone to do a free form writing exercise reflecting on the last four days and end up with an I am statement. The one I wrote was: I am willing to be with what is

🌓 Day 6: I am Forgiving: I asked that we spend some time writing ourselves a letter in an effort to ask for forgiveness for being so harsh on ourselves. I had a really big expansion that day when I realized that Bianca (my perfectionist nature, one shadow aspect of myself who I have named) AGAIN stems from my desire to be "seen." - which also ties into the largest fear rising in me in terms of the course itself.  I long for it and I'm terrified of it all at the exact same time, two sides of the same coin... yet again ANOTHER theme for me within this course.

So, the final moment at the end of the first week I ask everyone to adjust to a purpose statement/intention for the rest of 30 days of Authenticity. My biggest takeaways for this week of 30 days of Authenticity is the following:

🌓 Making peace/accepting exactly what is. What do I mean with that? Being fully grounded in the present moment AND/OR forgiving myself/accepting myself/loving myself when I'm not. I haven't been doing this. I have been judging myself or avoiding my true feelings or the reality of a lot of situations in my life. 

🌓 Being with my fear of being seen. I've already witnessed two pretty big A-HA moments with it, that I long for it and I'm terrified of it at the exact same time. I am willing to be vulnerable sure, but how deeply vulnerable? I don't know the answer to that question yet. Ask me again in 23 days ❤️

And that leaves me with the following:

"I am willing to be with what is and allow myself to be seen."

AHH. deep breathes Maria, deep breathes. 

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