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  • Maria Vandenburg

2 Steps to Keeping Your Heart Open When You Want to Close

So my authentic journey this week has been about a powerful and intentional focus on an authentic connection to my heart. I realize I am the happiest when I am living from a space that is intimately connected to the beat of my heart and allowing myself to live in the flow of love.


I've also noticed that there are quite a few things surfacing in my life that causing me to want to close. I will get triggered by something, and will inadvertently and oftentimes unconsciously limit that flow, because the love isn't showing up in the same way I am expecting it to. It's showing up in a different form that I haven't been receptive or open to. Because of that closure, I've realized this last week I've been closing myself off to love, and limiting its expression. I realize I am probably talking jargon to quite a few of you out here, so I wanted to break it down into two different ways I am keeping my heart open when part of me really wants to close.


  1. Realizing my Direct Connection to my Higher-Self

  2. Committing to the Next Step: One Step at a Time.



Higher Heart | Higher Self | Photo Credit: Path of the Phoenix


Realizing my Direct Connection to my Higher-Self

My conscious connection to my higher-self has weaved its way into my life in a multitude of different facets. Without fail, it reminds me of how wise I am, and it also eases any anxiety that I might be feeling, any restriction in my heart. I know that sounds egotistical, but it actually has absolutely NOTHING to do with my ego, and everything to do with my higher-self.


What do I mean by the term "higher-self." I mean the part of me that is infinite, all-knowing, immortal, and expansive. The part of me that I will never be able to fully understand but at the same time exists in every single thing that I do/think/have/am.


I feel more connected to my higher-self right now than I ever have before. I know I have connected to her/it before when I have been writing my book or 30 days of Authenticity, or recording some videos, or my podcast. There have been moments of connection, but the difference between back then and now? Now, I am consciously and intentionally calling upon my higher self numerous times a day.


The fears and anxieties that I feel when I'm thinking about the future or really anything stem from the fact that I forgot that I am intimately connected with my higher self. That she is a part of me that is ALWAYS available for me to call on, and for me to live from and speak through. When I remember that, when I remember how wise I naturally am and not from anything that my ego does or has to do, but simply from the act of breathing and remembering who I am, I can rest easy. The weights get lifted off my shoulder and everything becomes a little bit more light as I realize that I'm not in control, I don't have to be in control, all I ever have to do is be connected. Remembering this connection allows me to move more confidently into a state of trust. That state of trust then allows me to keep my heart open despite the fears and resistance because I realize that my higher-self is in control and that ultimately everything is exactly as it should be.



One Step at a Time: Photo Credit: Sebin Thomas


Committing to the Next Step: One Step at a Time.

This idea has provided me with SO MUCH grace and ease.

Gia (who wrote and lead us through 30 Days of Mindfulness) wrote this week "about how some people who deeply want a relationship are actually afraid to fall in love. It got me thinking that sometimes we are afraid to actually connect with others because that intimacy brings us into full awareness of our fears and our vulnerability. Connection brings us into full contact with our tenderness. Connection actually brings us closer to God - and this is a power that many do not feel ready to face. ✨"


I resonated SO DEEPLY with that. It's like I long to be seen, but I'm scared of it at the same time. To allow someone to truly see me is a bit terrifying, what if they don't like what they see? The fears and protective mechanisms of the ego love to come up here. I was on a webinar called the "Radical flow of abundance" this week with a man I love called Steve Nobel and he actually brought me on during the call. He had us envision what abundance looked like for us and then asked us to share. I typed into the chat that it felt like a "yes in my solar plexus and resistance in my heart."


The next thing I know? I'm live on the call with Steve asking me to feel into the emotion, does it have a shape? does it have a color? Where in the body is it? etc.. etc.. etc..

Luckily, I have done the practice he was talking me through quite a few times on myself, so it's not new to me. What was new? Having to be the example for the entire freaking webinar! But I remembered point number one, that I'm so much more than those fearful thoughts, and I relaxed into the experience. I got to a place of being grateful that Steve Nobel was working directly and personally to clear and shift my energy flow and open me up to a greater sense of abundance.

And it worked! I felt my heart unblock, I felt my body relax into opening up to the next step. Just one step of a time.


What I loved about the whole experience, was that what caused my heart to open back up was remembering that it's literally one step at a time.


I was also on a community call with relationship coach John Wineland this week. John is all about balancing the masculine and feminine energies first within ourselves but then in relationship with one another. One of the women shared a story very similar to my own. How did she reach a state of acceptanace, peace, and flow? By committing to opening up just 10% more of her heart to others. This reminded me again, it's just one step a time. What feels right? What feel's like it's mine to do next? Do that, and trust that the rest will unfold as it should. So.. I'm committing to that, to keeping my heart open, allowing myself to be seen in a space that feels comfortable for me.



Star Magic: Photo: Johannes Plenio


I have moments of magic when I can truly tap into the flow of love and embody it deeply. Am I able to constantly live from that state? No, but I'm committed to listening to my heart and keeping it open so that we can reach a state that truly serves us and helps to uplift each and every one of our relationships. The "we" I am referring to is my two brains: my heart-brain and my actual brain. Right now, my life seems to be about bringing them into union. And that starts with keeping my heart open when my brain is telling me it's not safe and to remain closed.

© 2020 by Maria Vandenburg