Finding Calm in the Maria Storm
As a few of you know these last 8-9 months have been quite challenging for me.
I moved into my own apartment in Seattle in February, and with that came in a wave of sadness, anxiety, and depression.
I wasn't sure how to find my balance or my center... so I went within.
What I did not realize at the time was that my sadness, anger, and pain was just longing to be held. There were parts of myself that I had been unconsciously suppressing pretty much my entire life. They were refusing to be silenced anymore.
What this lead to consciously was months of overwhelm, exhaustion and self judgment (insert the "I'm fully aware of the fact that I create my own reality so what the hell is wrong with me where I am creating THIS reality" judgment pattern.... THAT was a fun one to live through.
Fast forward nine months later and I have emerged. It's not like I have come out of this feeling like I will never experience, pain, anxiety, anger, or sadness again, it's just that now I realize that if I run from feeling those emotions, if I try and pretend that I am not angry/mad/sad/what have you... they don't go away, they just get bottled up to all emerge at a grander scale later on (hence this 8-9 month incubation period).
So where am I at now? Well, I'm on the other side, but fully aware of the fact that I am human, that life is about ups and downs, highs and lows, growth and set back, but the lesson is in how you receive and integrate this information.
Will I experience sadness again? Of course, but as it surfaces now, I stay with it, I will dive a bit deeper and see which previously abandoned part of myself is just longing to be seen and held and loved and to know that her sadness is OK, it's justified and loved.
Not sure if this fully makes any sense so I've also recorded a podcast on this here as well.
Sending lots of love to everyone out there <3