Awake, Aware, At Choice
So I have been taking this class from this community back at home called Center for Spiritual Living.
What we have been studying recently is being awake, aware and at choice.
This means that we are
1. Awake to what our triggers are
2. Aware of our response to them/the stories that we are telling ourselves
3. At choice to how we want to move forward
The most recent "homework" assignment was to look at an example of this in our own lives, and I thought - what a better opportunity than to publically post it for the world to see (insert sarcastic shrug here).
One of the things I have always battled with is being vulnerable. Being willing to open up and share my "opportunities for development" (aka struggles) with others.
But you don't grow unless you push yourself right? So this blog post is an effort to do just that.
My most recent example of this has to do with both my employment and my love life.
With both - I have no idea how they are going to end up and that is currently causing me anxiety and stress.
So without further ado
Awake: My triggers are the following
Employment: I have recently given notice at my current job. At this point I don't know where I am going to end up next
Love Life: Ugh! I don't even want to write about this but... I have a pretty good idea of person I want to end up with however communication is not consistent, in fact... nothing has really actually been communicated yet.
So the trigger for both is the fact that I don't know where either one is headed. It's unknown, a big huge mystery at this point.
Aware: What is the story that I am telling myself
Employment: I am currently a bit worried about losing out on the opportunities, stability and income that I currently have. I love the people I have worked with, I love the projects that I have been on. This job has also allowed me a lot of freedom in terms of my MBA program and I'm quite content with the salary. Because I don't know what my future job looks like yet, I am worried about having to let these things go. Plus, it's really important to me that I find a company that I believe in and work that I find meaningful.
Love Life: This one is so difficult to write about! The story I'm currently telling myself is that all of these crazy emotions I'm feeling could really just be me. Could just be in my own head, could not be reciprocated. I'm so scared of being hurt that I haven't really been willing to put them out there.
At choice. At this point Kathianne (the teacher of this particular class who I absolutely adore) asks us to look up and change our trajectory.
Employment: I deserve a job that is meaningful, where i feel valued and that my contribution matters. I deserve it and if I believe that than it will come my way
Love Life: This fear I feel is good thing because it's allowing me to work through it. Yes of course I don't know how it's all going to pan out. but feeling these feelings has been pretty incredible either way. Ultimately someday I will end up with the right person at the right time. Similar to my employment situation, I just need to believe that.
In both cases, I need to know that what I want is coming to me. That it's already mine, that it's impossible for me to really be separate from it because it's already a piece of me, an aspect of my life just waiting to be realised/fully manifest. Kathianne asks to look at what we are asking to show up. I think in these instances, it's faith and hope.
It's kind of crazy how scary/empowering it is to write this all out and publish for you to see.
But there you go.
Awake, Aware, At choice.