Coming to a State of Acceptance
Updated: Oct 16, 2019
I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile because honestly it's been a bit challenging these last few months.
At the start of October, I returned to London after a month of traveling. I started a brand new job in addition to kicking off the final year of my MBA Program.
I was excited to start things new and wrote all about "embracing change." But what I forgot about is the challenges that come along with embracing the new and stepping outside of your comfort zone.
I have been acting in the CFO capacity for school (which is a HUGE learning curve for me - Finance and Maria haven't always gotten along). I've also started a new Project Manager role in a remote capacity managing implementations and change.
It's now November, and I still find myself stressed more often than not. But, I recognise this. I have learned that when something new comes up, my mind seems to automatically be triggered into how "I can't" do it - I spend hours worrying about how it's all going to go wrong. "I'm never going to understand Finance" or "How can they expect me to manage this - I don't even fully understand the project yet!" is an example of some of my "fun" reoccurring thoughts over the last month.
But the thing is. Deep down I know that I can. I also know that everything here is a lesson for me. It's allowing me to see when I'm triggered and really try and tackle the root issue of what is causing me anxiety, stress and fear. I'm still of course working through it all, but I have been reminded of two key things:
Support. Help is ALWAYS there as long as I can put my pride/ego away to ask for it. I spent a few long weekends trying to tackle Finance, bringing in my Finance professor from school for evening meetings, and working hand in hand with another group member to ultimately deliver financial projections for one of the two projects we have to do this quarter.
That these obstacles and challenges are not necessarily road blocks. They really are as cliche as it sounds - opportunities for me to learn. Opportunities to see where I feel weak and really challenge myself to dive in and work through it.
The final thing is resistance. When I am in a state of pushing back and being fearful - things just seem to get worse rather than better. When I accept the fact that I am stressed/anxious/worried/whatever but that I have help and I can work through it - everything shifts and in all honesty I become a bit excited to tackle the issue (as strange as that might sound).
So it's been a tricky few months. What I forgot about change is that it also forces you to step into uncertainty and be OK with it. I keep telling everyone that I can't wait until 3 months from now when I have finally tackled finance and feel comfortable and confident in my new role at work. But what I need to start telling myself is - I'm grateful for now. That even if I'm feeling stressed, worried or a bit overwhelmed, ultimately I know I'll get through it - and be all that much stronger, more confident and have a deeper belief in my own skills and abilities.
That's where I'm currently at anyway.
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I'll love you forever... well I will probably do that anyway but still <3