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Diving off the Deep End

My life has been a lot of deep diving recently.

Why do I feel the way that I do? What does it mean?

What do I ultimately want?


Image Credit: M.Unraveled


I just turned in my first pass of my Action Research Proposal for my Board Mindset Module and attempted to use the proposal to answer those questions.


The Research Project in essence has become all about me. The Proposal has morphed into a plan to consciously identify and be aware of the core of how I operate, my compass.

The thought is that recognition of all of this will help me to more strongly believe in myself and the value of my contribution in whatever situation I find myself in.


What I am working through is structuring all of that into an academic research paper.

Oh and learning how to write a masters level research paper as I will have 5 days to write a completely separate one starting this coming Friday.


So it's been a bit busy as of late.


Items I have learned today:

Nit/Knob: Idiot

Spotting/Spitting: Drizzling/Light Rain

Food is served differently over here, for example

Jacket Potatoes: Baked potatoes - but very commonly served with baked beans

Chili Con Carne: Served not with cheese and bread, but rice



Through all of this deep diving recently, I feel really raw.

I've uncovered things that I wasn't even aware of before, I've realised things that excite and terrify me at the same time.

I've come to terms that although I am really not comfortable with uncertainty/ambiguity, I need to get to the point of acceptance. Part of the process of all of this self discovery is the fact that I won't have all the answers, and at some point I need to just let go and trust.


It's a lot easier said than done though.

But I know I will get there someday.


© 2017 by Maria Vandenburg