So I tuned into a fireside chat with Gregg Braden the other day. He said something that gave me a profound A-HA moment: what we are collectively going through right now is the grief of the loss of our previous way of life.
It reminded me of the Kubler Ross Scale, which I can absolutely admit to going through
Denial: I remember when all of the news of Covid-19 first came out, I was convinced that as long as I kept my "vibrations high enough" I wouldn't be impacted. I remember thinking "I'm not going to let this affect me! I'm not going to live by fear!" so I went out and saw a run of live musicals in London to prove it to myself, to surround myself with things that bring me joy.
Anger: Then I moved into anger when I realized that my lifestyle would have to change, I had all of these traveling plans for 2020, I had spent years saving up to do them, I had quit my job to facilitate this. It was all set to kick off on May 1st, 2020, but then I realized that I would rather put all of these plans on hold and stay inside to protect the vulnerable people that I love and allow the time and space for the Earth to heal
Depression/Bargaining: It's been a wave of this for the last few weeks for me. I go from feeling extremely creative and grateful for the time and space to go within and channel new things through, to feeling really overwhelmed. Most recently this has shown up with two flights that I have booked to Seattle being cancelled and now I'm actually flying out of the country in 48 hours to come home and rest at home until it is time for us all to re-emerge. I thought I would have the month to prepare for the transition... I have two days.
Acceptance: This is what I am working towards, in some moments I am there. I realize that this all has a higher purpose to get us all to wake up to the things that we are doing and make healthier choices not only for ourself but also for the planet. I realize that by going within and staying inside we are giving the planet the chance to heal. My relationship with the Earth herself has deepened substantially over the course of the last few weeks as well. I have a deeper appreciation for everything she gives to us and the beauty of nature itself.
But have I fully moved out of my grief yet? No.
This is also amplified by the fact that I will be leaving London on Saturday and closing this particular chapter of my life. I am a completely different person from the one I was when I arrived over here 2.5 years ago, and I had hoped to really have time to honor and appreciate everything that London, my gas station, has refueled and provided me with. I know I will, in time, but I'm still really sad to let it all go.
My next entry will be on everything I am grateful for with my time in London, but for now, I need a bit more time to really grieve and honor exactly where I'm at.
Sending love and light to you guys.