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  • Writer's pictureMaria Vandenburg

How I am "Loving" my Heartbreak

So a few days ago, I realized that ultimately all I will ever have is this moment right now and that life is about embracing it.

Well, the Universe apparently would like me to be on a fast track because now I'm being asked to embrace my heart being broken.

I'm not going to get into the full details here but I have realized I have fallen for a story, a beautiful wonderful story of myself and someone else, and how we can come together someday and change the world. The issue? That story and my present-day reality - don't match. They aren't compatible. So what I'm being forced to do is take a look at it all. To be fully present with my feelings. To admit that my heart is actually broken with the shattering of this story. BUT, that ultimately I know I will emerge all that much stronger, wiser, and in my power.

I am recognizing the reason this situation is in my life is that I need to truly learn to love and honor myself as much as I love this other person. It's about falling out of love with him, and back in love with me. BUT, it's a pretty freaking painful thing to work through in all honesty. I was talking to a really close friend earlier about how I just wish I had a "magic button" I could press to transform the pain.

I took a nice long walk earlier today, one of my favorite ways to process and be there for myself whenever I'm dealing with something uncomfortable. I allowed myself to step into the grief - I've recorded that moment here (please ignore the wind, I think air and earth were with me to help with my expression, but it is rather loud).

Then came the walk back when I moved into feeling my anger, but it was within this that something really powerful happened. I realized that this whole external situation is not necessarily about the person, it's about me. It's about me learning how to truly love and see myself. I thought I had, I really did, but I'm seeing now that I have not. I don't realize my worth yet, I'm starting to, but I'm not fully there yet, otherwise, I would have put up some boundaries that I know I'm going to need to place in the next few weeks to truly heal.

That moment is also captured here:

My point in sharing this is not that I hope that any of you experience heartbreak at any point soon, but to show you that there is beauty is this "darkness" and in this "pain." And although, I am still working through it and healing, I know that when I come out on the other side, when I truly learn to love and value myself and my own needs as much as I have loved this other person, well, I have a feeling it will be an Akasha is baptized by Esmeralda's flames moment (and I know you guys have no idea what that means - haha, guess you will just have to read Crown Jewels: Book One when it comes out!)

Sending love and light to you all.

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