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  • Writer's pictureMaria Vandenburg

My Dark Night of the Soul (3.0)

Have you ever heard of a dark night of the soul? You know the whole it's the darkest right before the dawn type of concept?


This terminology came into my world about 5 years ago when I began diving deeper into my own spiritual practices. This past year has been a bit hard for me in all honesty. I left a job that I loved with a company that I had originally envisioned spending the rest of my career with. I started back out into the contracting world, and.... I lost sight of who I was.

It is the darkest nights that produce the brightest stars
It is the darkest nights that produce the brightest stars

What does that mean exactly?

It means that for months and months (and months), I lived in a world of self-judgement and fear. I have long been aware of the power of my own thoughts and beliefs. What I couldn't understand was why I would "choose" to create a world in which I was suffering from severe emotional pain and sadness. The story I was telling myself was: "what is wrong with me?"


I would travel and go on retreats, I would practice yoga and meditate, but nothing seemed to help me. This made my own self-judgement even worse because these spiritual tools had worked for me in the past, so why weren't they working now? Again, to me it affirmed the story that something was innately wrong with me.


Things actually got worse for me before they got better. I started self-isolating, prettty much cutting out every single person in my life with the exception of my mother. I have always been grateful for her unconditional love, the safe space I feel she provides for me, and that I can just be myself around her. I don't have to pretend to be anything other than who I am.


Anyway, fast forward until last week and something finally shifts for me. I really wish I could pin point exactly what happened for me, exactly why I suddenly reconnected to my own ligft again but what I can say is this:


1. There really is beauty in the darkness. Insert theme song here.


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If you know anything about me then you know that I consider part of my purpose is to help everyone to learn the love themselves, just as you are. Shadows and all. You can find out more about about this here:


2. That my body holds an infinite about of Wisdom (and so does yours)


As someone who has lived in my mind 99.99% of my life, I could only really tell when my body was practically screaming at me.


What I have appreciated while moving through these last 9 months is learning to truly listen to it.


One of my Spiritual Teachers, Dr Sue Morter has this amazing quote


"The soul talks to the body. The body talks to the mind. The mind often doesn't list."

And that was so true for me!


3. That in order to expand one has to contract.



What does that mean? Well, I have a feeling that this is going to be the central theme of my next trilogy series: The Dark Goddess Series.

But in the interim, it means that in order for the light to rise, in order for us to become conscious of who we are, we have to be willing to dive deeply into the void. To Trust and have Faith and know that we are safe. It is safe for us to be here in these bodies. I will be writing so much more on this in the years to come.


And finally, that


4. I am really and truly grateful to be here


This life is a gift. The more I tune into the power of the present the more deeply blown away I am.


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