Finding the Need to Be Gentle with Myself

Maria Vandenburg
Apr 14, 2020
3 min read

Updated: Oct 27, 2023

My whole life has transformed in the last 48 hours. I am currently writing to you from a beautiful basement studio apartment in Seattle while I will self-quarantine and isolate for the next 14 days.

I had no idea at the start of the week that I would be here✨

I've living in London for the last 2+ Years. I moved over there in August 2017 to start an MBA program which I subsequently completed last November. I consider London my Gas Station. I seem to end up there every 10 years or so, to "re-energize and re-fuel" before setting back out into the world. The Pacific Northwest is home, but London I consider my roots.

I'd originally planned to return to Seattle for a few weeks in May before kicking off nine months of sacred travel. Those traveling plans were put on hold. I realized these last few weeks that if I'm forced to sequester anywhere for the next six months, I would rather be home, close to my mother and loved ones. My plan was to return to Seattle & hunker down until Mama Earth heals and we can re-emerge.

AND THEN 🤦🏻‍♀️

I get an email telling me my May flight is cancelled. I was freaked. With the cancellation of my flight, my intuition kicked in telling me I needed to get myself ASAP. May was waiting too long.

So I re-booked a flight for next Monday. 🦸🏻‍♀️

Figuring that I would need 5 days to get my life sorted out...

Wednesday rolls around with another email telling me that my second flight is cancelled. At this point, I'm in tears. I reach out and ask for help in all sorts of places, I know I need to get home, but I don't know if I can physically make it there.

People jump in to support and hold me in their prayers and thoughts🙏.

I felt so much love and encouragement and the next thing I know I am re-booked for Saturday. I had thought I'd have the whole month to process and prepare to close out the London chapter of my life and move back home...

I had two days.

The Street that I was born in - Horseferry Road in London

🦸🏻‍♀️ I'm still not sure how I managed it, but somehow.I packed up my entire life, purged three suitcases & two giant bags of things, cleaned my apartment, and traveled across the world w/ luggage that weighed more than me. 🧳

And now?

I've been in Seattle for two days and slowly starting to unravel to the present moment. I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions:

🧜‍♀️ Relief to be home
🧜‍♀️ Grateful I was able to physically get here
🧜‍♀️ Sadness at leaving London and not having the time or space to honor the journey and close the chapter (I had planned to walk the camino),
🧜‍♀️ Love for the people in my life and the expanding connections as I continue to keep my heart open
🧜‍♀️ Fear & anxiety about the future
🧜‍♀️ A deep longing and need for a "home"
🧜‍♀️ More gratitude awareness, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

I have all of these projects I am working on. I'm working on the final editing of my first book, I'm taking the One Funnel Away sales challenge with Clickfunnels, I have felt all of this pressure as I have placed all of these deadlines on myself 🤪

right now....

in my current moment, I am finding myself needing to give myself a moment to breathe.

To rest. To be gentle. To relax into my current moment and allow myself to truly feel everything that is bubbling up inside of me as I work to adjust to life back in Seattle.

It's been and continues to be a whirlwind. of a week. Being back home has been surfacing things that I haven't been ready or willing to deal with. Well, it appears now is the time.😇

It's time for me to heal, to take a look at the parts of myself who feel hurt, wounded and scared. It's time to show up for them, show them some love, and allow them to be.

Lots going on in my world currently. It will be interesting to see what emerges as I actually process and work through it all. Sending love and light to each and every one of you. Thank you for being here. ❤️

Interested in learning more about my personal journey?